Fear

I'm a runner. I run away from people. I run from myself. I run away from reality. I run away from decisions. I run away from my problems. My problems that I'm not brave enough to face. Problems that I either don't know how or don't want to deal with. I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to know certain things but I don't want to not know certain things. I don't want to not have total control. Whenever I don't feel like I have an option or plan that I'm mostly comfortable with, I feel belittled. I feel minimized in control because I can't see the finish line. I don't know what an outcome might be. Sometimes I linger, and wait for change. Change in my situation. I try to wait for time to take it's toll and then, and only then, will I make my move. I don't wait for long, being the impatient person I am. If I'm lucky, my temporary patience will work in my favor and change will come. But sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I end up doing something I'm all too familiar with. Running, leaving things incomplete, not interested in an ending or closure. Just like a coward.

My fear is fear.